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Canine K9
May 16, 2008“Life’s a bitch” I quote from jillions who mouth it on a daily basis. So common is this locution, it might as well be an axiom. If this querulous cuss is indeed true, then clarifications should be made before we lift of the taboo and embrace it as part of language. If life truly is a bitch, then may I be as to reasonably enquire, it would be rational to deduce that life is a dog; and a female canine to be specific. If life undeniably is a bitch, what breed does it belong to? Does “life” have its own breed, or does its pedigree vary, such as the case of its metaphorical object. Are we then, Poodles or German Shepherds; or are we all filthy mongrels? If life is without a doubt a bitch, then in appalling situations, am I aloud to call the world, a doghouse?
If life is undeniably a bitch, then what is “its” diet? Do we all eat dog food? Or are “life” and “us” separate entities? The answer to the latter is of primary importance, so as to distinguish our own diet from “life’s” hypothetical diet. If, say, “life” and “us” are theoretically separate, then our consumptions can be safely called “food”. That leaves us to ascertain “life’s” own nourishment. What brand does “life” prefer to chomp, Pedigree perhaps, or Alpo? Or does it prefer plain “lamaw”? Does "it" follow seasonal mating, or does it breed like humans do (anytime)? I would prefer the former.
More importantly, is life a female? Or does this display the long history of psychological connotation of the wicked relative to the female sex? I’m not sure. This blog doesn’t provide answers. But, what I’m sure about is naming my future puppy, “life”.
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